Ever catch yourself nodding along to opinions you don’t really share?
Or hiding parts of yourself to fit in?
I’ve been there, trapped in the exhausting performance of acting like someone I’m not.
The Hidden Cost of Fitting In
Between 2015 and 2017, I collected “friends” like trophies. I became skilled at reading what people expected from me and delivering precisely that. Kinda like at a job interview where you’d highlight your strengths and hide your weaknesses.
The result?
Invitations for meetups poured in, but I felt utterly drained. I was constantly watching myself. “Should I say this? Should I not say that?” It was such a mental drain. It left me completely exhausted.
My Turning Point
I had this friend from work who came from a conservative family like mine. She would often judge others for their dating choices, so I carefully hid my own dating life from her to avoid judgment.
When she eventually created drama involving another girl and started making false claims about me not liking this person, I realized how twisted things had become. I was exhausting myself playing a role that wasn’t me.
“I have all these people around me, and I feel terribly lonely. I don’t want to say yes to those coffee dates, meetups, whatever. I just want to be left alone.”
Breaking Free
By 2017, I’d had enough. I ended those surface-level friendships and aimed towards building connections based on authenticity.
I recently heard something that changed my perspective: “Even if someone rejects you, it’s still acceptance, because they see you as who you are, and then they have the right to say yes or no.”
Now, when something isn’t for me, I simply say, “Not my thing.” No judgment, no drama. This approach maintains respect while honoring my truth.
That goes for activities, friendships, and relationships alike.
The most liberating discovery? When you stop performing and start being yourself, you may have fewer connections, but the ones you have will actually fill you up rather than drain you dry.
