For years, vulnerability seemed like weakness.
Biting my tongue, swallowing hurt, putting on a brave face…
Isn’t that what strong people do?
The Breaking Point
You see, I would bottle up all my emotions, which would later result in a disaster. I would lash out and say, “I’m done with you.'”
This cycle played out repeatedly. Silently absorbing small hurts until they became unbearable, then exploding and cutting people off entirely. No warning, no chance to repair. Just sudden endings leaving everyone confused and wounded.
The cost? Countless relationships that might have been saved with a simple “That hurt me.”
The Vulnerability Experiment
Everything changed when I started showing hurt in real-time.
Now I’ll just tell them, “Hey, what you said hurt me.” The first few times felt excruciating, like deliberately exposing an open wound. But the results were stunning.
Most people had no idea they’d caused pain. Many apologized immediately. Others asked questions to understand better. Almost no one responded with the dismissal or mockery I’d feared.
The Language of Vulnerability
The words we choose make all the difference. Compare:
“YOU hurt me” (accusatory, puts others on defensive).
Versus…
“I felt hurt when that happened” (owns the feeling, invites conversation).
I’ve learned to use phrases like:
- “I felt sad when…”
- “That comment stung a bit for me.”
- “When that happened, I felt disappointed.”
- “I’m feeling hurt right now.”
These “I” statements keep the focus on my experience rather than blaming the other person.
Hurt Feelings as your personal GPS
These feelings aren’t random. They’re precise indicators of where boundaries lie and when they’ve been crossed. Honoring them means respecting your own inner guidance system.
The Unexpected Power Shift
The most surprising discovery? Showing vulnerability actually creates more power, not less.
When you express hurt directly, you’re actually in a position of strength. You’re giving clear information about what works for you and what doesn’t.
By expressing hurt clearly without blame, space opens for others to adjust their behavior if they choose. And if they don’t? That’s valuable information too.
Remember:
Sometimes people aren’t aware they’re hurting you.
Tell them.
Respectfully.
Aim for resolution…
And see what happens.
Not quite ready to start this journey on your own?
I’m here to guide you:
